Uncategorized Archives - Mind Tools https://www.mindtools.com/blog/category/uncategorized/ Mind Tools Tue, 07 Feb 2023 13:18:01 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 Find Your Calm and Get Stuff Done – #MTtalk Roundup https://www.mindtools.com/blog/find-your-calm-get-stuff-done-mttalk/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/find-your-calm-get-stuff-done-mttalk/#comments Tue, 02 Aug 2022 01:30:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=32355 Calm people tend not to display worry or anxiety in difficult situations, and they're often reliable decision-makers or confident, strong leaders

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If I were to ask you to name a well-known leader or public figure that embodies the word "calm," who would you choose? I'd choose the Dalai Lama.

Known globally for his compassionate mindset and inspirational speaking, he has devoted his life to promoting peace and encouraging people to live their best lives with inner calm.

"Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance or my kindness for weakness. Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength."

The 14th Dalai Lama, spiritual leader (1935 – )

To be honest, I've not always considered calmness to be a sign of strength. I think that's because most organizations I've worked with haven't truly celebrated calmness as a key strength.

A Calm Leader Is One You Can Trust

In my experience, managers have been rewarded for delivering projects, saving money, and achieving sales. Being a calm leader has not often been rewarded or even called out as something to celebrate.

Similarly, interviewers have rarely looked for calmness in their new recruits. In fact, demonstrating calmness in an interview has occasionally been mistaken for a lack of drive, passion, enthusiasm, or being too laid back. And, as the quote above suggests, I've seen it regarded as a sign of weakness.

Yet calm is both a helpful characteristic and a useful behavior. Calm people tend not to display worry or anxiety in difficult situations, and they're often reliable decision-makers or confident, strong leaders.

What more do you want in a crisis than a calm, unflappable leader who can cut through confusion and clearly communicate their strategy? That's the kind of leader you can trust.

Being Calm Is a Superpower!

So, having given calmness further thought, I'm now on a mission to put calmness on the map – the behavioral competency map, that is. In the context of today's complex and changeable workplace, it's arguably one of the most powerful traits we can develop. Perhaps it's even a superpower?

Should you need a little more convincing that calmness is worth celebrating, consider the following benefits. By staying calm you can:

  • Be more compassionate to yourself and others.
  • Have greater self-belief in your capacity to cope when things go wrong.
  • Free your mind to notice the positives in life and celebrate successes.
  • Stop or avoid overthinking.
  • Accept that people are not perfect, and mistakes will happen.
  • Avoid "all or nothing" thinking, which leads to catastrophizing and stress.
  • Avoid procrastination and deal with any problems that present themselves with a rational mindset.
  • See things with a clear head and keep problems in proportion.
  • Not get caught in the "busyness trap" and take more time to just "be."
  • Cope better with stress as you won’t worry about problems before they happen.
  • Feel a greater sense of inner confidence and feel more relaxed in general.
  • Yes, calm is definitely a superpower in my book. Find your calm and get stuff done.

    Find Your Calm and Get Stuff Done

    In our #MTtalk Twitter chat on Friday, we discussed the benefits and possible drawbacks of staying calm – personally, and in the workplace. Here are the questions we asked, and a selection of the most thought-provoking responses from our participants.

    Q1. What does calmness feel, look or sound like?

    @K_arenT Being at ease, self-aware, happy. Feels fuzzy and warm, sounds like a natural, slow blowing wind or sea breeze, sun shining shades of yellow.

    @ZalaB_MT I think calmness feels/looks/sounds different for each and every person. For me, it's a feeling of peace and serenity, deep calmness, my thoughts are not racing and I feel light and energized, as I do after every sporting activity or a good hike.

    Q2. When you are calm, not agitated, who does it benefit, and how?

    @junkkDNA Me and people surrounding me. It's all about energy that vibrates through one and affects others, whether it's positive or negative. Calmness within definitely influences others.

    @J_Stephens_CPA Calmness benefits you (health & mental), those around you – you help them focus, and those impacted by what you are focusing on.

    Q3. When might it not be helpful for you to be calm? Why?

    @CaptRajeshwar When your car gets bogged down at the main junction at peak time. Those horns will ensure you are out of your calmness!

    @Yolande_MT If, for their own safety, I need to get someone out of a "freeze"-reaction and it requires me to shout at them or give them a slap on the back, I'll absolutely do it. We're tempted to think that you should not remain calm in life-threatening situations or crises. However, calm doesn't equate to being slow or not taking action.

    Q4. How do you react to a person who is not calm?

    @tommyphad Observe and study. Be a good listener.

    @rowjayyy If it's in a work environment, I try my best to be understanding and calm towards them in the hope they reciprocate. In other environments, I do the same. But if it's completely unnecessary, I walk away.

    Q5. What can you do to create calm in yourself?

    @PG_pmp Just hold your thoughts not to be reactive in tough situations. To maintain calm, think twice, thrice, even 10 times before one acts.

    @greatergoodgeek I have recently been learning about "breath work" and how certain breathing techniques can "tell our brain" that we can be calm in this moment (i.e. that we are safe in this moment and not being chased by a tiger!).

    Q6. What can you do to create calm in others?

    @J_Stephens_CPA When my wife gets upset about something, I remind her of what she has accomplished in the past 4 months and that I am here to help her now.

    @llake Be present in your response. Telling someone to be calm is a natural response, but usually, it makes the other more irritated, even angry. Listen more than talk. Control the temperature of your voice & emotions.

    Q7. What happens in the workplace when there isn't enough calm?

    @SoniaH_MT When there isn't enough calm in the workplace careless mistakes can happen more frequently. It can be challenging to focus and it can hamper a team member's creative process.

    @llake Poor decision-making. Irritability. Chaos. Poor morale. Lower vibrations begetting lower vibrations leads to overall destruction & depression. Also, it affects overall well-being & physical health. Our cells remember.

    Q8. Can it be too calm in the workplace? Explain.

    @MikeB_MT Maybe. But wouldn't it be great if we could meet deadlines and demands by laser-focusing our calm around a goal, rather than bouncing in and out of calm? It's not an all or nothing. Perhaps we can adapt calm to meet stressful and demanding situations.

    @ThiamMeka2Gogue When you remain calm, there is more of a chance that you also stay positive, which affects your relationships with those you work with for the better. Remaining calm at work is an attribute you can practice in your workplace to support a more cohesive space you're happy to be a part of every day.

    Q9. What does it feel like to be led by a calm leader?

    @Midgie_MT Much nicer than someone who isn't calm! A calm leader gives clear directions with clear expectations, is able to navigate challenges or deal with difficulties, and reassures everyone that they are all in it together and that it will all work out.

    @DrSupriya_MT Our workplaces are still not ready to appreciate calm leaders; they might be labeled as lacking drive or having no fire in the belly, or being not aggressive enough to demand performance.

    @llake In my early days of not also being calm, I found it dubious & distrustful. Now I appreciate the shared energy as long as it is accompanied by appropriate action.

    Q10. How can leaders facilitate calm for everyone?

    @_GT_Coaching [Leaders can] practice calmness themselves and encourage others to do so, but ultimately it's down to others how they choose to be.

    @Dwyka_Consult Be proactive rather than reactive. Role-model a good life balance. Remove as much friction from processes as possible. Focus on trust.

    To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat, here.

    Coming Up Next Time

    Remaining calm when faced with a difficult situation might be seen as a type of generosity to yourself and others.

    Next time on #MTtalk, we're going to discuss generosity: what it is and what it isn't. In our Twitter poll this week we'd like to know when you feel like a generous person.

    Mind Tools Resources Related to Calmness

    If you've enjoyed this roundup and would like to explore the topic further, here are some of the resources we shared during the chat. (Note: some resources are only available in full to Mind Tools Club or Corporate members.

    How Can Stoicism Help You at Work?

    8 Ways to Improve Self-Regulation

    Patience

    Thinking on Your Feet

    Dealing With Angry People

    How to Keep Calm in a Crisis

    How to Be More Organized

    Meditation for Stress Management

    Managing Stress

    Managing Presentation Nerves

    Physical Relaxation Techniques

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    Managing Presentation Nerves – Your Top Tips! https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tips-presentation-nerves/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/tips-presentation-nerves/#comments Mon, 25 Jul 2022 08:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=12000 Check out our brand new video with Mind Tools' Content Editor/Writer, Jonathan Hancock, who shares his handy hints for putting on a great presentation – in spite of any nerves

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    "That was an amazing presentation," I thought, shaking my head in disbelief.

    My friend Amy had just finished her talk for her final year thesis, which was supposed to count toward our final grade. The audience was transfixed, focused on her every word. Her visuals were stunning, she spoke confidently, and she didn't even need her notes. To cap it all, she handled the Q&A session with calm assurance.

    My awe quickly disintegrated into anxiety as I heard those dreaded words, "Who's up next? Ah, Lucy. It's you."

    I should have felt confident. It was my moment in the sun, right? I'd done my research, put in the prep work, and I'd spent the whole of the previous evening rehearsing in front of a group of friends.

    But I didn't feel confident. Instead, I felt my cheeks turn red and I bumped into a table on my way up. All I could think about was the audience's eyes burning into me. The notes I'd so carefully prepared now seemed a bit basic, and nowhere near as intelligent as I thought they had the day before.

    I did a quick calculation of my distance from the door. Perhaps I could just make a run for it? Maybe I could feign sickness?

    "No, no," I told myself, "Stop being silly and get on with it!"

    So, I took a deep breath and pulled myself together and, well, I got on with it!

    In the end, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. I was proud that I had resisted the urge to flee. But I still breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was all over.

    The truth is, even the thought of public speaking fills me with fear. It has done since well before my postgraduate presentation, and that fear still lingers today.

    At least I can console myself with the knowledge that I'm not the only one to get presentation nerves. As Jerry Seinfeld once joked (in all seriousness), "Surveys show that the number one fear of Americans is public speaking. Number two is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy."

    Check out our brand new video with Mind Tools' Content Editor/Writer, Jonathan Hancock, who shares his handy hints for putting on a great presentation – in spite of any nerves:

    We were interested in finding out how you manage presentation nerves, and we put the shoutout on our social media channels: "How do you deal with presentation nerves?"

    Do Your Presentation Prep Work

    Preparation featured in a lot of the responses that we got. As Facebook friend Greg Schmierer succinctly suggests, "Practice, practice, practice."

    But what should your practice and prep work entail? Facebook follower Chetan Agarwal recommends that it go beyond just slide design, saying, "A lot of people confuse preparation with creating slides, but it is more about your script, intonations, anticipating probable questions and drafting your answers, your important notes, flash cards, if necessary, etc. Slides or deck is just the first primary preparation."

    Instagram follower dmbarch offers similar advice. He says, "I try to prepare the best I can. i.e: write down the things I am planning to say. That way, when nerves hit, I know where to go and retake control."

    Another of our Facebook friends, Deepa Hemant Krishnan, also highlights the important of seeking feedback during preparation time. She advises, "Do a mock presentation to somebody who can be a good representation of the expected audience and seek feedback."

    Just Breathe!

    One tip that came up time and time again, was using stress management and deep breathing to keep presentation nerves at bay.

    LinkedIn follower Renee Chamberlin suggests, "Take three long, slow, deep breaths and at the same time, wiggle your toes. This helps calm you and brings you back from your anxious mind into your body." Greg Schmierer follows a similar routine. He says, "Just before the presentation, I close my eyes, take three deep breaths, and visualize [the] success of my presentation."

    Engage Your Audience

    Hooking in the audience with a joke, anecdote or story early on can also help you to lighten the mood, and is a great way of getting your audience engaged.

    As Twitter follower Pauline Grant recommends, "Find an appropriate hook to connect with and engage your audience from the outset." Fellow Tweeter Jo Gallagher adds, "Breathe and be yourself! It's a conversation relaying information and an opportunity to engage the crowd [and], in doing so, learn something new."

    Thank you to everyone who responded to our question, we appreciate the time and effort that you took to join in our discussion.

    If you have any further tips or tricks on dealing with presentation nerves, please share them in the box, below!

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    Living to 100 – Career Choices and Challenges in the "New Long Life" https://www.mindtools.com/blog/ready-to-reach-100-choices-and-challenges-in-the-new-long-life/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/ready-to-reach-100-choices-and-challenges-in-the-new-long-life/#respond Thu, 14 Jul 2022 11:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=32138 Longer lifespans and improved technology: both of these bring choices that my grandfathers never had – along with some significant new challenges

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    At first glance, Herbert and Frank had very different careers. One gained a good education and then devoted his life to the Church. The other left school at 14 and spent the next 45 years as a jack-of-all-trades: ambulance driver, dairyman, mechanic, factory worker, and more.

    I got to know both men shortly after they'd retired, and I discovered that they were very different in character, too. Herbert was kind but formal and detached. Frank was down-to-earth, unassuming, and excellent fun.

    But when I learned a little more about them, I realized that, for all their differences, these two men had one big thing in common. Throughout their lives, both had an almost complete lack of choice.

    Herbert and Frank

    The No-Choice Career

    Herbert and Frank were born at a time when educational options were closely linked to family finances, and most working lives followed the same predictable pattern.

    Whether you were marked out for one of the "professions" (like Herbert) or channeled into manual roles (like Frank), you could expect to spend 30 or 40 years at work. And then enjoy a short retirement – if you were lucky. In England in the early 20th century, the average life expectancy was just 51.

    Herbert and Frank both started out by giving much of what they earned to their parents. Later, as married men, they both had to become breadwinners. Their wives looked after the childcare, along with all the household chores. They too had little choice in the matter.

    Herbert and Frank both worked into their 60s, after which their brief retirements were paid for by simple pensions and state aid. They both outlived average life expectancy then, but died young by today's standards – not long after I'd met them. They were my grandfathers.

    When Long Life Meets High Tech

    I thought a lot about Herbert and Frank when I read "The 100-Year Life" and "The New Long Life," both by Andrew J. Scott and Lynda Gratton. The world described in these books is starkly different from the one my grandfathers inhabited, with a wealth of new choices on offer.

    Now that further education is widely available, career options are much less connected to social standing, and family roles are so much more flexible.

    But two other factors loom even larger in this landscape: dramatically longer lifespans, and vastly improved technology. Both of these bring choices that my grandfathers never had. Along with some significant new challenges.

    Long-Life Possibilities and Pitfalls

    That 51-year life expectancy has now climbed to 80. Children born today are more likely to live to 100 than not. We're staying healthy for longer, too, allowing us to keep working if we want to.

    Plus we get more time to change fields and take sideways or even backward career steps, to secure the roles that suit us best at different times in our lives. Neither of my grandfathers viewed their careers like that!

    However, the flip side is that we have to work for longer – or the country will quickly go broke. We must also find our own ways to fund longer retirements. Herbert and Frank both assumed that savings and state aid would fund theirs, and they were right. But they'd likely have seen things differently if they'd expected to reach 100.

    Technology is also a double-edged sword. It's given many of us new choices about where, when and how we work. Including the chance to do tech-driven "side hustles," like delivery driving or selling online.

    But millions of jobs are now at risk, as automation and AI muscle in. True, many of the jobs that go will be difficult or dangerous ones that no one will miss. But if we reallocate too much to robots, what will we all do with our time? Where will we find meaning and a sense of satisfaction every day?

    Career Choices and Challenges

    My grandfathers certainly had far fewer choices than I do, and their lives were harder. But their world was also less complicated in many ways. As Scott and Gratton make clear, living for longer in a world of far-advancing tech throws up some huge new challenges. For individuals, organizations, and society at large.

    They say that we've been presented with "a profound invitation to social ingenuity." We'll need to choose how to support an aging population, as healthcare keeps more people going for longer – many still with significant medical needs. Education systems must change too, to ensure that the information, skills and attitudes that we learn prepare us for multifaceted careers.

    Our employers will also have to meet the future head-on. People will no longer train for a job, do that job (or very similar ones) then retire. Instead, they'll take career breaks, seek different working arrangements at different times, want to change roles – and even switch between sectors.

    Employers will need to accommodate all of this and find ways to get the best out of people at every life stage. Ideally, this will come from jobs that are re-energizing and learning-oriented, within organizations that allow workers as much choice as possible.

    Career Planning for a Bright Future

    My life crossed over Herbert's and Frank's, but my career has already been dramatically different. I've changed industry not once but twice. I've had phases of working part-time to help with childcare. I'm now embracing hybrid working, and looking forward to plenty of interesting and fulfilling opportunities in the future.

    But as this book makes clear, I'll also have to approach work very differently from the way my grandfathers did. That is if I'm going to keep benefiting from the "new long life," and face up to its challenges.

    I'll need to stay curious about technology, not scared. But not blasé either. I'll need to spot ways that technology can help me to thrive, and avoid distraction and overwhelm. I'll also need to be prepared to pivot when parts of my role are no longer done best by any human, let alone me.

    It will pay me to be a lifelong learner and I'll have to keep mastering new skills. But I'll get what the authors call "compound interest" on my learning during my extended career.

    I'll have to keep redesigning my work-life balance – to suit my changing priorities on both sides. (I wonder what Herbert, Frank and their families would have made of that?!)

    And I'll have to be very clever with money. Long lives are expensive! My grandfathers had few choices about finances. However, I'll have to explore an array of possibilities – and make some very good decisions – if I'm going to seize all the opportunities on offer.

    Play the "Long Game" With Your Career

    None of us knows what our future holds. But all the data in "The 100 Year Life" and "The New Long Life" makes a strong case for taking a "long game" approach. That's something that previous generations simply didn't get to do.

    I was talking to my youngest son the other day about what he "wants to do when he grows up." Many of his peers will live into their 12th decade – and have more healthy and productive years in their careers than any generation before.

    As he described his dream job, I had to resist saying: "… and what about after that, and after that, and after that?" Whether he likes it or not, Herbert and Frank's great-grandson has got lots of big choices ahead.

    Download Our "100-Year Life" and "The New Long Life" Book Insight

    Mind Tools reviews the best new business and self-development books, alongside the tested classics, in our monthly Book Insight for the Mind Tools Club.

    So, if you're a Club member or enterprise licensee, you can download or stream the full "New Long Life" Book Insight in text or audio format.

    How do you feel about the idea of living to 100? Which choices will help you to make the most of the "new long life"? What will the biggest challenges be? Join the discussion by adding your thoughts below!

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    How to Be an Accountability Partner – #MTtalk Roundup https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-to-be-an-accountability-partner-mttalk-roundup/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-to-be-an-accountability-partner-mttalk-roundup/#respond Tue, 29 Mar 2022 11:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=30717 "If you hold others accountable without being accountable yourself, this is called being a hypocrite." – Sonia Harris

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    Trouble achieving your goals? Then perhaps you need an accountability partner: someone in your professional or personal life who helps you to work on a goal that really matters to you.

    Mike_Barzacchini
    Mike Barzacchini

    You may have started a new project or exercise regimen, or you're finally trying to finish writing that book. Your accountability partner is a trusted person who provides meaningful support as you work toward those goals.

    Over the course of my career, I've been a better starter than a finisher. I love the thrill of generating ideas and launching projects. As I've matured, I've come to understand and value finishing. But that doesn't mean it's any less of a challenge, especially on larger projects.

    For those bigger or longer-term initiatives, I've found that often an accountability partner can help me to stay on task – and yes, even finish!

    But having a partner isn't like having a genie that will grant you three accountability wishes. It takes work and responsibility for both parties.

    "If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together."

    African proverb

    Accountability You Can Count On

    The best and most effective accountability partnerships I've been a part of have had these six characteristics in common:

    • Clarity. Have clear objectives in mind for your project or goal. And know exactly why you're seeking someone to help hold you accountable.
    • Honesty. First, be honest with yourself. Why do I want to work with an accountability partner? Then be honest with your partner. How can they best help you to achieve your goals?
    • Reciprocity. Make sure that your partnership isn't just a one-way street. Even if you're the person who's being helped, find ways to say "thank you" and perhaps help your partner with a challenge or goal they may be facing.
    • Consistency. Set consistent times to meet. Share expectations and topics prior to each meeting. Follow up with action steps. Who does what next?
    • Closure. Even if the partnership is ongoing and long-lasting, remember to close specific chapters as progress is made and projects are completed.
    • Celebration. Make a big deal about your successes, no matter how small. And remember to express gratitude to the person who's helped you stay on task.

    Accountability Partners' Checklist

    Asking questions is a great way to define roles and responsibilities – and to set clear expectations up front for both partners.

    One accountability partner I worked with for many years would ask some version of the same questions when I'd come to him with a new project, challenge or idea:

    • What's your specific goal?
    • What is your plan for achieving the goal?
    • How much time will it take?
    • Where will you find the time?
    • When do you expect to finish?
    • What might get in your way?
    • How will you overcome this?
    • What will success look like?

    By getting me to answer these questions up front, he was already starting to hold me accountable. When I've been able to return the favor, and helped colleagues to stay accountable, I've found that it's just as rewarding for me as for the person I'm trying to help.

    And by helping them to stay on task, I learn along the way and shore up my own accountability behaviors.

    Help Is All Around – If You Know Where to Look

    As you seek an accountability partner, understand that one type of partnership may not fit every situation or goal. I have colleagues who've joined accountability communities that meet regularly to help all members focus and make progress toward their individual goals.

    And recently I've co-partnered with an accountability partner. They help me and I help them.

    No matter the accountability path you choose, remember the basics: work with someone you trust; set clear goals; respect the time, talents and energy your partner is sharing; show up, do the work; share results; and thank them.

    About This Week's "Accountability Partner" Chat

    During Friday's #MTtalk Twitter chat, we discussed what to look for in an accountability partner, and how to be a good one. Here are all the questions we asked, and some of the best responses:

    Q1. What does the phrase "accountability partner" mean to you?

    @PG_pmp "Accountability partner" – a person who one can rely on at the time when needed most.

    @SoniaH_MT To me, an accountability partner means a person who: is mutually trusted, has my best interest in mind, wants me to succeed, calls me out when I deviate from my stated course, offers me help when I seem to be struggling toward that stated goal.

    Q2. What difference does an accountability partner make?

    @Midgie_MT They help me to "stay honest," in that I cannot use excuses when I do not do something. It helps me to maintain focus rather than get distracted or use other jobs/tasks as a reason to not take action on my priority goal.

    @Yolande_MT When you want to go rogue on your plan, knowing you have to report to your accountability partner is a great psychological "tool" to keep you on track.

    Q3. Shouldn't we just hold ourselves accountable?

    @Tanjiskas If no one is watching it is easy to do the easy thing we are used to. Our brain finds a way to justify doing the things we are comfortable [doing] with it. Tricks us into thinking that it is safer to keep everything as it is.

    @SarahH_MT Well yes in an ideal world perhaps we would all hold ourselves accountable without the need for someone else to help us. But life is not that simple and anyway, why plough on alone when an accountability partner could help us thrive? Better together, right?

    Q4. When have you found it most helpful to have an accountability partner?

    @DhongdeSupriya The goals I know I won't be able to sustain, like walks after work... because I know I have someone waiting for me, I am able to push myself.

    @harrisonia I would have loved to have accountability partners for things outside the workplace. It would've been helpful having these partners for accountability with industry advancement/opportunities or weight loss/management.

    Q5. What qualities do you look for when you select an accountability partner?

    @hopegovind Honesty, transparency, accountability, openness.

    @NWarind Courage first, then sincerity.

    Q6. Can you hold others accountable without being accountable yourself? Explain.

    @BRAVOMedia1 One can only give what they possess within themselves. So one must be accountable in order to be a supportive mentor for others.

    @SoniaH_MT If you hold others accountable without being accountable yourself, this is called being a hypocrite. (Especially as a leader, how can you ask me to do what YOU won't do?)

    Q7. How far can/should you go when holding someone accountable?

    @Midgie_MT I believe there is a limit between encouraging them to take the actions they said they were going to do, and pushing them to do it or insisting that they stay on course. Life happens and sometimes we do need to alter course.

    @MikeB_MT It may help to have ground rules up front. So here's why we've engaged in this accountability partnership. Here's how we will meet and communicate. Here's how we know we're helping each other. That may help determine if I've gone too far (or not far enough!).

    Q8. What should you not do as an accountability partner? Why?

    @SarahH_MT Don't take over or make it all about you or make assumptions about how easy you think it should be. Don't judge them for doing things differently to how you would do it. And don't manage them or tell them off.

    @ColfaxInsurance You should never seem like you're forcing someone to do anything. Set up a schedule to check in, don't nag all the time about whatever it is you're helping them stay accountable for. They'll end up resenting you if you come across as demanding or pushy.

    Q9. Imagine you're an accountability partner, and you feel you're wasting your time. What do you do?

    @TheTomGReid Affirming, encouraging, educating, are never wastes of time, though it can be [a] "pearls before swine" situation. Dispense kindness whenever you can. If another's choices cause you pain, it might be time to back away.

    @Dwyka_Consult Ask if they still need you. If they say they do, have a conversation about expectations

    Q10. How can you coach someone to become a great accountability partner?

    @HloniphileDlam7 By demonstrating accountability and giving people the opportunity to transform and unlearn negative behaviors. Guiding and coaching individuals without embarrassing them is key.

    @Yolande_MT Remind them to be assertive but gentle, have empathy but not be manipulated, have mercy/grace yet be willing to motivate and stretch someone.

    To read all the tweets, have a look at the Wakelet collection of this chat here.

    Coming Up

    While an accountability partner can play a major role in helping a person to accomplish a goal, people sometimes become defensive when they're held to account. Some people are just more defensive by nature.

    In our Twitter poll this week, we want to know why you think people become defensive when you ask them a non-confrontational question. Vote here.

    Accountability Partner Resources

    (Note that you'll need to be a Mind Tools Club or Corporate member to see all of the following resources in full.)

    Developing Personal Accountability

    Working With Lazy People

    Managing People With Low Ambition

    Blanchard's ABCD Model of Trust

    Performance Agreements

    Helping Your People Develop Emotional Intelligence

    Holding People Accountable

    Supporting Your People

    Taking Responsibility in a New Leadership Role

    Engaging People in Learning

    The post How to Be an Accountability Partner – #MTtalk Roundup appeared first on Mind Tools.

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    Rethinking Health at Work: My Expert Interview With Sir Cary Cooper https://www.mindtools.com/blog/expert-interview-with-cary-cooper/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/expert-interview-with-cary-cooper/#comments Thu, 24 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=30565 Cary Cooper talks to Mind Tools about how a "healthy" workplace might look a little different from the way you imagine it

    The post Rethinking Health at Work: My Expert Interview With Sir Cary Cooper appeared first on Mind Tools.

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    I've worked in some unhealthy work environments in my career – and I'm not talking about the ones where everyone smoked at their desks and there were no windows. These were places where the culture was all wrong, and most people felt discontented and unmotivated.

    In one of my first jobs, the boss was a bully. She favored those who sucked up to her, and she shouted mercilessly at those who didn't. It was hell.

    Later in my career, when I was a reporter for an international newswire, we all had to sit at our desks for 10 hours a day, regardless of whether or not we had work to do. It was demoralizing and surprisingly draining. No one felt happy or well.

    A Healthier Workplace

    So it was interesting to drill down into the reasons – and remedies – for such unhealthy workplaces with Sir Cary Cooper, Professor of Organizational Psychology and Health at Manchester Business School in the U.K.

    He's spent years studying health in the workplace – and how to improve it. And he's recently brought his ideas and experience together in a new book, "The Healthy Workforce: Enhancing Wellbeing and Productivity in the Workers of the Future," co-written with Stephen Bevan of the Institute for Employment Studies.

    In this clip from our Expert Interview podcast, Cary tells me how the current emphasis on health and wellbeing evolved over the last couple of decades.

    More Than Pilates and Beanbags

    As part of the growing recognition that wellbeing is a key component of growth and stability, in recent years a lot of employers have started offering their people perks, like free Pilates lessons and fruit smoothies.

    But according to Cary Cooper, while "it's nice to have sushi at your desk, and massages," it isn't nearly as important as having a carefully designed wellbeing strategy, driven from the top – often by a dedicated director of health and wellbeing.

    Ideally, these people will conduct regular "wellbeing audits," to determine the mental and physical health of the workforce. This research helps them to develop their strategy, including interventions to target the problems that have emerged. The success of the strategy is then measured through further wellbeing audits, and tweaked accordingly.

    Wellbeing Audits

    The first step in the audit is to ask employees how they feel and why, through surveys and psychometric tools. After all, if you don't ask, how can you know?

    "In a sense, it's like going to a GP, or internist in the U.S.," Cooper says. "You don't want that person to be writing out a prescription for you before you've opened your mouth. What you want is that person to take bloods, to take your blood pressure, in other words to do a diagnostic to find out about you. Well, the same thing applies in the whole area of employee health and wellbeing."

    Thinking back to my newswire job, a wellbeing audit like this would have revealed some serious problems, but they may have been easy to fix. For instance, the bureau chief was a talented, driven individual who was always chasing the next story. But the rest of us needed a manager to support us, not a star reporter.

    The Importance of Management

    Managers are pivotal to good workplace health, because they're on the ground, watching and listening for signs that something might be off. But they need great soft skills to be effective. And like my former boss, many simply don't have them.

    "In many developed countries, you find that people get promoted and recruited based on their technical skills, not their people skills," Cooper points out. "It's not their fault, in a way, because they were hired because they're really good accountants or good marketing people. But when it comes to actually managing, you get into a managerial role… you have issues."

    This skills gap is the kind of thing a wellbeing audit can identify. Managers deemed to be lacking can be offered training in the social skills and emotional intelligence (EQ) needed to support people effectively in the changing world of work.

    We're Not All Born Managers

    Cary Cooper reckons that about 30 percent of technically proficient people are also adept at these soft skills. Around 50 percent could become great managers with the right training. But some managers – maybe 20 percent – won't benefit from training at all.

    "That's the reality of life," Cooper says, and senior leaders need to recognize this and move these people out of line management. Only then will organizations build and maintain a healthy work culture, where people love coming to work, feel valued, and are motivated.

    "It's about the hours of work, whether people have manageable workloads, realistic deadlines, have a clear idea of what their job is about, they're not contacted by email at weekends and while they're on holiday," Cooper elaborates.

    "The organization has to look at what it can do to make people feel valued, trusted, that they feel they're cared about, that the organization is committed to their health and wellbeing."

    This starts with hiring and developing managers with people skills, regardless of their technical prowess.

    Listen to My Interview With Cary Cooper

    Discover fascinating insights from some of the world's leading business figures with my series of Mind Tools Expert Interviews.

    If you're not a Mind Tools Club member, you can join here, and access over 2,400 resources, including more than 200 Expert Interviews. For corporate licensing, request a demo from one of our team.

    Download "The Healthy Workforce" With Mind Tools

    Head over to the Mind Tools store, where you can also get a downloadable eBook of Cary Cooper's "The Healthy Workforce: Enhancing Wellbeing and Productivity in the Workers of the Future," co-written with Stephen Bevan.

    Would you consider your workplace "healthy"? What do you think are the most important factors affecting working health? Let us know in the comments section below!

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    The 10 Most Difficult People (and the 5 Best Ways to Deal With Them!) https://www.mindtools.com/blog/the-10-most-difficult-people-and-the-5-best-ways-to-deal-with-them/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/the-10-most-difficult-people-and-the-5-best-ways-to-deal-with-them/#comments Wed, 16 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=30502 "It's not that you have to love everybody else in the organization. But you do need to understand a few simple things. What are they trying to get done? What obstacles do they see? What skills do they bring?" – Amy Edmondson

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    Difficult People Everywhere

    "There are many types of annoying people," says teamwork consultant Ilene Marcus in our latest Expert Voices episode. And she's right, isn't she? If we're honest, we all know a large cast of characters who, in their own ways, rub us up completely the wrong way.

    Whether they mean to do it or not, they're the people who aggravate, antagonize, fluster, and frustrate us – to the point that we can still feel our skin prickle with annoyance at the mere thought of them, decades down the line.

    See how many of the following figures you recognize. They all make an appearance in our "Dealing With Difficult People" podcast, and I've met them all at some point during my career. Have you?

    10 Types of Difficult People

    1. The Know-it-All. This is someone who feels sure that they know more than you, everyone else on the team – and likely every other team, for that matter. As author and CEO Dana Borowka says, they have a "low tolerance for correction." They obstruct collaboration, and let others take the blame for mistakes.

    2. The Interrupter. This character doesn't let you get a word in edgeways – either because they're not listening, or listening intently so that they can seize their second to jump in. They stop you contributing fully, and can even halt your train of thought in its tracks.

    3. The Ignorer. For Professor Gretchen Spreitzer, this person's behavior typically involves "… ignoring somebody who's trying to clarify a point that they're making, or ignoring somebody in a hallway conversation." They choose carefully who they communicate with, and they make others feel irrelevant – or invisible.

    4. The Bore. It's not just that the Bore doesn't offer anything interesting. They actively ignore people's signals that they're too busy, not interested, or have heard it all before.

    5. The Prima Donna. Everything's about them: their ideas, their needs, their successes. In the words of Ilene Marcus, they're "… people that perform very well, but get on your last nerve – and take away from you driving the business agenda."

    6. The Work Martyr. This is the person who never stops working (or telling you about it). Nothing you do ever comes close to the amount of time and energy they've put in. They grab every role and responsibility going – and expect you to be grateful.

    7. The Whiner. The Whiner has what Dana Borowka calls "woe-is-me syndrome." "The world is so unfair! And they are just constantly complaining."

    8. The Negativity Spreader. This is someone who's not content with just having negative feelings. They want to pass them on to everyone else. They steer every conversation toward the reasons why something won't work – and why you might as well give up now.

    9. The Rainmaker. As Ilene Marcus says, "culture bends” for a Rainmaker. "They don't always adhere to team norms, but because they're the superstar everyone has to deal with the way they do their work."

    10. The Boundary Crosser. This person invades your space, physically and emotionally. Whether they're reaching over your desk, borrowing your belongings without asking, or telling you more about their personal life than you're comfortable knowing, they breach your boundaries in annoying and unsettling ways.

    Lessons From Expert Voices

    In each Mind Tools Expert Voices podcast, my colleague Rachel Salaman tackles a particular workplace topic with the help of handpicked expert guests. Episode 9 explores the many ways that people can be difficult, and the best ways to respond.

    In this snippet from the latest Expert Voices, our guests explain how to recognize difficult behavior and understand the impact it can have – in order to start dealing with it.

     

    Dealing With Difficult People

    Harvard-trained psychotherapist Katherine Crowley describes difficult people as "emotional traps." She says that their behavior "... stirs you up emotionally and causes turmoil in your day."

    So what can we do about them?

    Here are five strategies offered by Rachel's experts:

    1. Recognize your feelings.

    Several guests explore what's going on in our brains when someone annoys us.

    Best-selling business writer Christine Comaford says it's about how we interpret their behavior. "You see things, you hear things, you smell things, you taste things, you feel things," she says. All of that information "… zooms into your brain stem, into your reptilian brain, then moves very quickly to your mammalian brain where emotions are attached, and then zooms to your prefrontal cortex where we make meaning."

    Her first step to dealing with the subsequent feelings is simply to recognize them. "If we don't know how we're feeling – frustrated, overwhelmed, happy, peaceful, confident – then we can't navigate our emotions."

    2. Tell them what's happening.

    Next, we can open up a conversation. As Gretchen Spreitzer explains, "That doesn't have to be in a public way, but in a side conversation. 'You know, in the meeting we had today, I felt like you weren't hearing the point that I was trying to make, and in fact I felt like there were several times where I was interrupted,' as an example."

    If we don't tell people what they're doing, how can we expect them to change?

    3. Be curious.

    We might also need to change our take on the situation. Christine Comaford recommends being curious: "… about the feelings that start to come up, based on the sensory data that you receive."

    Maybe there are mitigating circumstances for someone's difficult behavior. Perhaps the cause is something that we're doing. And what if the intent we imagine simply isn't there, so there's no need for us to feel so annoyed?

    4. Project positivity.

    "One of the most effective things you can do," says leadership expert Olivia Fox Cabane, "is give them credit for the solution that you're going to be proposing." 

    Author Rick Brinkman calls this "Pygmalion power." He believes that it can reduce your annoyance, and help to promote positive behavior in others. "Let's say somebody is being negative and we say to them, 'I appreciate you pointing out the problem so we can come up with the solutions,' that's projecting positive on them. You’re assuming they’re coming from the positive intention of wanting to improve things."

    5. See the benefits.

    "There's a benefit to a complainer," according to Dana Borowka. "They will identify issues that may be overlooked by people who always have that positive side."

    And if people around you are whining or spreading negativity, perhaps it's a signal to get to know each other better, or to generate better energy within the team. As Gretchen Spreitzer says, "If we're having more fun in the workplace, we might be developing more trust, we might be getting to know the whole person at work in a way that then minimizes 'uncivil' behavior in the future."

    Expect the Best From Problem People

    We can take a great deal of hope from the way our experts deal with difficult people. Rick Brinkman sums up much of that in one sentence: "People will fall all over themselves to fulfill your positive expectations of them."

    "It's not that you have to really get to know or love everybody else in the organization," says Amy Edmondson from Harvard Business School. "But you do need to understand a few simple things. Specifically, what are they trying to get done? What obstacles do they see ahead, and what skills and resources do they bring?"

    We might even enjoy our interactions with them a bit more. Amy offers a quote that I'm going to try to remember the next time I'm with someone who usually gets my goat. It's from Abraham Lincoln, who said: "I don't like that man very much. I must get to know him better."

    Listen to the Latest Episode of Mind Tools Expert Voices

    Mind Tools Club Members and Corporate Licensees can listen to the full Expert Voices podcast now.

    If you're not a Mind Tools member, you can join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including a range of audio features. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

    What are your best strategies for dealing with people who frustrate, annoy and aggravate you at work? Who needs to change: them, you or both? And have you ever turned a tricky relationship around – with positive results for everyone? Please share your thoughts, below.

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    Why Indecision Is Worth Thinking About https://www.mindtools.com/blog/why-indecision-is-worth-thinking-about/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/why-indecision-is-worth-thinking-about/#comments Thu, 10 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=30484 "Our comforting conviction that the world makes sense rests on a secure foundation: our almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance." – Daniel Kahneman

    The post Why Indecision Is Worth Thinking About appeared first on Mind Tools.

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    "You know your most annoying flaw?" says my friend Sam, eyeing me critically over the rim of a coffee cup.

    Uh-oh. I've known Sam for many years. This means two things. One, she'll be right. She has decades of evidence to back up her findings. Two, we know each other so well that she won't feel she needs to be polite. I brace myself.

    "Indecision. You can't decide about anything. Even whether you wanted a pastry with your coffee. Or which kind of coffee you wanted. How have you got this old without being able to make decisions?"

    My Indecision Is Final

    It's a good question. I can make very basic decisions. Enough to keep me alive. I decide not to step into traffic when the light's against me, or mend the toaster while it's switched on.

    But when I'm forced to weigh up more complex decisions, pull up a chair: it'll take a while. And my indecision annoys the heck out of everyone around me.

    So a book about making decisions is right up my street. And Daniel Kahneman's classic "Thinking, Fast and Slow" is certainly the one to read.

    One Thinker, Two Ways of Thinking

    OK, so it's not just about decision making. Its scope is a lot broader than that. But Kahneman's work on the psychology of decisions is what won him the Nobel Prize for Economics in 2002.

    The book is packed with fascinating insights. For a start, we don't think the same way all the time. In fact, we have two distinct systems of thinking.

    System One covers all those near-instantaneous decisions that we don't even seem to think about at all. The decision to obey the red light, for example. System Two is much more complex. It's the kind of rational, non-intuitive thinking that we use for analysis and problem solving. And it takes a surprising amount of effort.

    Priming: The Subtlety of Influence

    The interplay between the two systems lies at the heart of human thought, even consciousness. And it can cause some interesting effects.

    Take "priming" for example. Priming is what happens when we see or hear something that influences our behavior in a certain way. It could be something explicit, like an advert for a product. But it could also be much more subtle.

    And the key thing about priming is that it's a System One phenomenon. It works on us without us thinking about it rationally. Often, we don't even realize that we've been primed.

    Let's say I'd walked into the cafe and seen a large picture of a foaming cappuccino and a cinnamon pastry. I might have found myself ordering that, without even thinking about it, even though I usually take just a black filter coffee.

    There's no great harm in that, of course, except to my bank balance and waistline. But what if priming can be used to influence much more important decisions?

    The Art of the Nudge

    Behavioral science has become a huge area for research in the 20 years since Kahneman won his Nobel Prize. Influencers are keen to put social media to work to "nudge" us beyond our indecision and into making particular decisions.

    These decisions are usually on which product to buy, but they can also be about which version of a news story to believe, or even which way to vote.

    So maybe my indecision isn't such a bad thing, as long as I actually use the time to think through the implications of what I'm doing.

    Simple or Complex? You Decide

    "Thinking, Fast and Slow" is a pretty comprehensive book. Priming is only a small part of what it's about, and much of the other research it covers is equally fascinating. Thankfully, it's written in a highly approachable style, despite the complexity of the subject matter.

    But you come away from it with a strong feeling that the way we make sense of the world around us is much more complex than we can ever be aware of.

    In Kahneman's own words, "Our comforting conviction that the world makes sense rests on a secure foundation: our almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance."

    It's something to think about the next time you need to make a serious decision, about anything. But don't worry too much about the cappuccino.

    Download Our "Thinking, Fast and Slow" Book Insight

    Mind Tools reviews the best new business and self-development books, alongside the tested classics, in our monthly Book Insight for the Mind Tools Club.

    So, if you're a Club member or enterprise licensee, you can download or stream the full "Thinking, Fast and Slow" Book Insight in text or audio format.

    Do you make decisions without really thinking about them? How do you make big decisions? Join the discussion by adding your thoughts below!

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    How Authentic Should You Be at Work? https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-authentic-should-you-be-at-work/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/how-authentic-should-you-be-at-work/#respond Wed, 16 Feb 2022 12:01:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=30099 There are infinite ways to be authentic. And organizations need to make us all feel safe to be ourselves. But we should also take an honest look at the impact of our authenticity

    The post How Authentic Should You Be at Work? appeared first on Mind Tools.

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    Which of the following two people do you think is most authentic?

    Eva, who always says exactly how she feels – even to the point of using bad language to show the strength of her reactions. She talks openly about her personal life, cries in meetings, dances on tables at office parties, and is as likely to have colleagues hugging her in gratitude as shouting at her in anger. She's passionate and open about every aspect of her job.

    Or Joe, who never lets his emotions loose at work, and gets everything done with the minimum of fuss. He's clear about what he will and will not do for others. He doesn't talk about his private life much, so meetings with him are focused and efficient. He doesn't like parties and usually doesn't go. But during office hours he's a calm, confident and kind member of the team.

    Who's being more authentic at work?

    Assessing Authenticity

    I once worked at a radio station with both Eva and Joe (I've just changed their names). And at the time, I'd have said that Eva was the authentic one, honest about her experiences and emotions, and that Joe was fairly inauthentic, since he kept his "real self" hidden.

    But, having listened to our latest Mind Tools Expert Voices podcast, my views have changed.

    Looking back now, I think that they were both authentic in many ways.

    However, both of them could also have made their authenticity work more in their favor – and in mine.

    Lessons From Expert Voices

    In each Mind Tools Expert Voices episode, my colleague Rachel Salaman tackles a particular workplace topic with the help of some well-qualified guests. Episode 8 explores all aspects of authenticity, including the question of how much authenticity we should aim for.

    In this snippet from the latest Expert Voices, our guests discuss the best ways to "be yourself" at work.

    What Is Authenticity?

    Several of Rachel's guests point out that authenticity will always be hard to pin down, because it's about "being yourself" – and that's different for everyone. We all have unique personalities, including how gregarious we are, how we connect with others, and how much of ourselves we're happy to share. As award-winning CEO Sabrina Horn puts it, "Authenticity is like beauty: it's in the eye of the beholder. You have to decide for yourself what your core values are and who you are and what you stand for."

    So authenticity involves self-knowledge, and the strength to stay true to yourself. Harvard's Amy Edmondson tells Rachel that it also requires the right environment – somewhere to feel "psychologically safe." What we have to ask ourselves, she says, is: "Do I feel OK around here? Is this a place where I can bring myself forward?"

    For us to be open, honest, and fully engaged at work, our organizations need to be authentic, too. As Professor Gareth Jones says, "You want the organization to give you the chance to show your brightness and cleverness and innovation and creativity. Allowing people to show their skill and flourish is exactly what builds a great business."

    The Benefits of Being Yourself

    Whatever authenticity means in practice – for people, and the places where they work – there's broad agreement that it's a good thing. "That's how we're going to get more rigorous decisions," says author Frances Frei. "That's how we're going to be able to do things faster... do things at higher quality."

    According to Annie McKee, who wrote the book "How to Be Happy at Work," being authentic "... helps us withstand the pressures that are inherent in our workplaces today."

    Eva and Joe were both successful people, leading high-profile projects and progressing quickly in their careers.

    And I think that, in different ways, they both gained a lot from staying true to themselves.

    Eva was great at expressing her feelings, and encouraged others to be open and "real." Her candor was attractive and often persuasive to clients. And while she brought plenty of fun to the table, she was also able to have tough conversations when necessary. As Amy Edmondson tells Rachel, authenticity is "... not only saying nice things. It's about being candid. And if we aren't open and willing to take interpersonal risks, our organizations will face much bigger risks."

    Joe's authenticity, on the other land, let him build a different kind of trust. He stuck to his own values of clarity and consistency, which gave an organized, predictable air to office life. You could rely on him: not to make you laugh, or let you in on his world outside of work, but to do his job well – and support you to do yours. He was good at what Professor Gretchen Spreitzer calls "job crafting": forging a role that increasingly matched his personality and purpose.

    Authenticity Gaps

    But Joe struggled to engage with people. He may have known himself well, but he never got to know the rest of us, and we didn't feel comfortable sharing anything personal with him. OK, he didn't like parties, and he held his ground on that. But that meant we could never celebrate as a full team.

    Tim Baker says that authenticity involves "... genuinely engaging people in conversations around how we might make the workplace better, more effective, faster, safer, and all of those sorts of things." Joe always had a plan that he was happy with, but he wasn't interested in getting our insights or ideas.

    Meanwhile, for all her fun and frankness, Eva often put the rest of us on edge. She was unpredictable, and her moods often dominated the day. She may have she showed that it was OK to open up, but she left little room for anyone else to do that too.

    On the podcast, Amy Edmondson explains what can happen when people's authenticity is limited by others. "Not only do they hold back but they don't feel engaged. You know, their heart's not in it. And sometimes they don't feel as good about themselves."

    Skillful Authenticity

    So how do we achieve just the right amount of authenticity at work?

    Author Frances Frei recommends that people like Eva "trim" their authenticity. "If your whole authenticity isn't a problem for your showing up but, wow, we just don't need to see that final 20 percent... I think it's a totally reasonable thing to do, to keep that 20 percent at home. It won't be inauthentic."

    And Professor Gareth Jones tells people like Joe to be a little less self-possessed, and to find more similarities and connections with others. "We are not just saying 'be yourself.' You have to be yourself skillfully. Too much difference and things fall apart."

    Making Authenticity Work

    There are infinite ways to be authentic. And organizations need to make us all feel safe to be ourselves, if we're to do our best, to enjoy our jobs, and in turn to build businesses that people trust. In the words of Sabrina Horn, "'Fake it till you make it' is the worst business advice ever!"

    But we should also take an honest look at the impact of our authenticity. Like Eva, it's possible to be too open; and like Joe, too secure in what works for us alone. We should be prepared to "trim" our instinctive approach at times, and to use authenticity skillfully, to get the balance right.

    That way, we can be ourselves, but help others to be their best selves at work, too.

    Listen to the Latest Episode of Mind Tools Expert Voices

    Mind Tools Club Members and Corporate Licensees can listen to the full Expert Voices podcast now.

    If you're not a Mind Tools member, you can join the Mind Tools Club and gain access to our 2,400+ resources, including a range of audio features. For corporate licensing, ask for a demo with one of our team.

    What's Your Authentic Advice?

    What do you think is the right level of authenticity to aim for? Why is it beneficial to be authentic at work? Are there times when it's particularly powerful to be yourself? And when should you "trim" your authenticity – for the good of others, and yourself? Please share your thoughts, below.

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    Human Nature: Not as Bad as We Think We Are https://www.mindtools.com/blog/human-nature-not-as-bad-as-we-think-we-are/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/human-nature-not-as-bad-as-we-think-we-are/#respond Thu, 10 Feb 2022 12:00:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=29970 "People collaborated to survive. Groups appointed leaders because they had useful skills, not because they were dominant." - Simon Bell

    The post Human Nature: Not as Bad as We Think We Are appeared first on Mind Tools.

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    I remember the first time I read William Golding's "Lord of the Flies." It was in English class at high school. The story's about a group of British schoolboys who get marooned on a desert island.

    With the veneer of civilization removed, they descend into savagery. The strong dominate the weak. Fear and superstition overcome reason. Violence replaces collaboration.

    I glanced up from the book. My classmates looked aggressive and mean. The headlines were about the breakdown of law and order. I nodded in recognition. Golding was on the money about human nature.

    Civilizing Human Nature

    Later, at college, I read "Leviathan," by Thomas Hobbes. (I was an English major, but Philosophy was cooler.) Hobbes' main idea was that civilized society couldn't hold together without a single, authoritative leader. For Hobbes, that meant a monarch.

    I didn't want to agree with that. It went against my liberal, democratic instincts. But Hobbes showed me the alternative.

    Anarchy, barbarism: call it what you will. It's not pretty. And it's inevitable, if you leave people to do their own thing.

    Misunderstanding Human Nature

    Or is it? Rutger Bregman doesn't think so. And he doesn't think much of Thomas Hobbes, either. In his own book, "Humankind: A Hopeful History," he sets out to correct some misunderstandings about human nature.

    "Humankind" isn't actually a history, though it uses plenty of historical examples. It's a sustained argument for the basic decency and sociability of human beings.

    And the problem isn't that we're not civilized enough. If anything, we're too civilized.

    The Curse of Civilization

    For 95 percent of human history, we were hunter-gatherers. We lived nomadic lives, sharing goods in common.

    People collaborated to survive. Groups appointed leaders because they had useful skills, not because they were dominant.

    Then, just recently – say, 15,000 years ago – we settled down. We planted crops, built towns, and started to think of stuff as "ours." And we began to defend it, banding together under strong leaders. Hey presto: civilization.

    Hiding the Truth

    But this, argues Bregman, ran contrary to true human nature, which is to socialize and share. Unfortunately, we've lost sight of this.

    We're programmed to think the worst by news media, so we subscribe to "veneer theory," in which civilization is a thin skin protecting us from the worst excesses of our nature.

    We also have our fears reinforced by science. Post-war social psychology designed experiments to prove that people were cruel and amoral. So, unsurprisingly, they found exactly that. But only by loading the dice.

    A Kinder Reality?

    We know that "Lord of the Flies" is fiction. But is it also wrong about people? What would have happened in reality? Bregman has some evidence.

    Some Tongan schoolboys was marooned on a desert island in the 1960s. They didn't fight. In fact, they made rules to avoid conflict. Nor did they make weapons. They made tools and grew food. Behaving decently and fairly to each other, they thrived on the island for more than a year.

    This reinforces Bregman's view of humanity. Fundamentally, we want to get along. It's optimistic, for sure. And there's no turning back the clock on civilization, for good or ill. But the book's chock-full of uplifting examples of how we're really not that bad. And that should be good news for all of us.

    Download Our "Humankind" Book Insight

    Mind Tools reviews the best new business and self-development books, alongside the tested classics, in our monthly Book Insight for the Mind Tools Club. So, if you're a Club member or enterprise licensee, you can download or stream the full "Humankind" Book Insight in text or audio format.

    Are you optimistic about the future? What's the true nature of human nature? Join the discussion by adding your thoughts below!

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    Who Are You Celebrating for Black History Month? https://www.mindtools.com/blog/who-are-you-celebrating-for-black-history-month/ https://www.mindtools.com/blog/who-are-you-celebrating-for-black-history-month/#respond Thu, 03 Feb 2022 12:01:00 +0000 https://www.mindtools.com/blog/?p=28769 February is Black History Month in the U.S. and Canada. It's a great opportunity to broaden our perspectives and understanding of Black History and of the impact of people of color today. And to learn more about key figures from the past and present who rarely make it into the official history books. Who We've […]

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    February is Black History Month in the U.S. and Canada. It's a great opportunity to broaden our perspectives and understanding of Black History and of the impact of people of color today. And to learn more about key figures from the past and present who rarely make it into the official history books.

    Who We've Been Learning About for Black History Month

    From entrepreneurs Madame C.J. Walker and Ade Hassan, to civil rights change-makers Harriet Tubman and Maya Angelou, here's an inspiring selection of women recommended by colleagues at Mind Tools, this Black History Month:

    Harriet Tubman (1822-1913) – Slave, Abolitionist, Spy, and Care-Giver

    Nominated by Vicky Williams, Group CEO at Mind Tools' parent company, Emerald Group.

    Harriet Tubman

    "If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the wood, keep going. If there's shouting after you, keep going. Don't ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going."

    Harriet Tubman.

    Harriet Tubman was born into slavery in 1822 in Maryland, U.S. But after her owner died in 1849, she escaped to the North and to freedom. But she didn't stop there. Instead, she dedicated her life to helping others do the same by becoming the famous "conductor" of the Underground Railroad.

    Between 1850 and 1860, she made 19 trips guiding more than 300 people, including her parents and siblings, to freedom in the North. She became a prominent abolitionist before the Civil War and, during the war, became the first woman to lead an armed expedition, which liberated more than 700 slaves in South Carolina.

    Despite falling into financial ruin, Tubman dedicated the last years of her life to looking after her friends and family. But head injuries she'd sustained earlier in her life while she was a slave became more painful and debilitating. After she died, she was buried with military honors at Fort Hill Cemetery in Auburn.

    Vicky says of Tubman, "I didn't know much about Harriet Tubman until I watched The Underground Railroad, but she was absolutely fearless and helped so many slaves escape the plantation system to freedom. She also worked as a spy during the American Civil War! So brave, so selfless, and relatively overlooked until recently."

    Henrietta Lacks (1920–1951), Tobacco Farmer, and unwitting contributor to cell biology and medicine

    Nominated by Harriet Bell, Marketing Director at Emerald Publishing.

    "I keep with me all I know about you deep in my soul, because I am part of you, and you of me. "

    Deborah Lacks, Henrietta's daughter.

    Henrietta Lacks (born Loretta Pleasant) came from Roanoke, Virginia. After her mother died, her father moved the family to Clover, where Lacks and her siblings could be looked after by family. Lacks ended up living with her maternal grandfather in a two-storey log cabin, that was once the slave quarters on a plantation that had been owned by Henrietta's white great-grandfather.

    It was here she met her husband and started work as a tobacco farmer. They went on to have five children together. But, in 1951, Lacks was referred to hospital after finding a lump that was later diagnosed as cervical cancer. Although she received treatment, she died.

    Without her and her family's knowledge at the time, hospital doctors had taken a sample of her cells and were astonished to see that they could replicate indefinitely, making them hugely valuable to medical research. These "immortal" cells, now known as the HeLa cell line, underpin much of modern medicine, including cancer research, immunology, and infectious disease control. But for decades, her family were frozen out of decisions made by the medical community in regards to her name and the contribution she made (without consent) to science.

    It's only in recent years that the family of Lacks, and Lacks herself, have been properly celebrated and acknowledged. Her life has been brought to wider attention by Rebecca Skloot's 2010 book, "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks," and the 2017 film, based on the book and produced by Oprah Winfrey.

    Harriet says, "I was blown away when I read 'The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,' so I always try to celebrate and remember her."

    Maya Angelou (1928-2014), Singer, Actor, Poet, Playwright, Author, Activist

    Nominated by Lucy Bishop, Senior Editor at Mind Tools.

    "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

    Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

    Maya Angelou (born Marguerite Annie Johnson) is perhaps one of the most famous of all U.S authors. Known widely for her poems and autobiographies, she was also an accomplished actor and screenplay writer, appearing in popular films such as How to Make An American Quilt and Look Away, as well as the television series, Roots.

    Not only did she make literary history with her memoir, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," which became the first non-fiction bestseller from a Black author in the U.S., she was also the first Black female director in Hollywood. And, this year, she became the first African American woman to appear on a U.S. coin.

    Her childhood included the double trauma of being raped and then blaming herself for the murder of her abuser after she spoke up about him. Yet Dr Angelou became one of the most successful writers in the world, as well as a prominent campaigner for racial equality.

    Lucy says of Maya Angelou, "I've been learning about Maya Angelou for Black History Month and beyond. It amazes me that someone who experienced something so awful in their childhood, and was mute for five years after, could eventually go on to speak and share such wonderful words.

    "It's her poems that I love the most. Some are so short, but I feel like I immediately know her when I read them. She has a distinctive style that's so lyrical, sharp, witty, and beautiful, all at once."

    bell hooks (1952-2021), Author, Professor and Activist

    Nominated by Carolina Marques Moriera, Latin America Marketing Manager at Emerald Publishing.

    "Dominator culture has tried to keep us all afraid, to make us choose safety instead of risk, sameness instead of diversity. Moving through that fear, finding out what connects us, reveling in our differences; this is the process that brings us closer, that gives us a world of shared values, of meaningful community."

    bell hooks, from "Teaching Community: A Pedagogy of Hope," 2001

    bell hooks was born Gloria Jean Watkins but adopted her great-grandmother's name. She always spelled it in lowercase because she wanted readers to focus on, "the substance of books, not who I am."

    She grew up in Hopkinsville, Kentucky, attending a racially segrated public school, before moving to an integrated school in the 1960s. From there she had an esteemed academic career, obtaining her BA in English from Stanford University, as well as a Masters from Wisconsin-Madison. After this she began teaching English, first at the University of Southern California, and then Yale, and the City College of New York.

    She published more than 30 books in her lifetime, including "All About Love" in 1981, which is still considered to be one of the most influential books on feminism, race and intersectionality.

    Madame C.J. Walker (1867-1919) and Annie Turnbo Malone (1877-1957), Entrepreneurs

    Nominated by Sally Wilson, Publishing Director at Emerald Publishing.

    Madame C.J. Walker

    Madame C.J. Walker

    "I am a woman who came from the cotton fields of the South. From there I was promoted to the washtub. From there I was promoted to the cook kitchen. And from there I promoted myself into the business of manufacturing hair goods and preparations."

    Madame C.J. Walker

    According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Madame C.J. Walker (born Sarah Breedlove) is recorded as the first self-made millionaire in the U.S. Her success was founded on haircare products designed for Black women, which she produced after suffering from hair loss herself. This she marketed as "Madam C.J. Walker's Wonderful Hair Grower," a scalp conditioning and healing formula, which she later claimed came to her in a dream.

    After travelling door to door selling her products throughout the South and Southeastern parts of the country, by 1910 she'd made enough to build her own manufacturing center, which included a factory, hair and manicure salon, and a training school.

    She also used her wealth to give back to her community, donating to the YMCA and the NAACP's (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) anti-lynching movement.

    She encouraged her employees to get involved in activism too. And used her house in New York City, which she commissioned an architect to build for her for $250,000, to become a gathering place for community leaders.

    Madame C.J. Walker's story, now the subject of Netflix series Self-Made, is intertwined with that of another black businesswoman of the time, Annie Turnbo Malone.

    Annie Turnbo Malone

    Annie Turnbo Malone

    Malone, too, is considered to be one of the first African American women to become a millionaire, and became famous for developing a line of cosmetics for Black women. She even employed Madame Walker for a time, before eventually becoming a business rival.

    Her story began back in 1869, when she was born the 10th of 11 children to Robert and Isabella Turnbo. Young Annie was often sick, and missed school as a result. But, although she didn't graduate, she did discover she had an aptitude for chemistry. It was this that led her to experiment and develop a hair product designed to straighten African American women's hair without damaging it, unlike other products on the market.

    The business soon grew, but, as a Black woman, Turnbo was denied access to regular distribution channels to sell her products. Instead, much like Walker, she sold her products door to door, and gave demonstrations. After continued success, in 1904, her product went national. And by the end of the First World War, she was a millionaire.

    Also like Walker, Malone used her wealth to raise up those around her, setting up her own cosmetology college in 1918, and becoming a great philanthropist.

    She donated much of her money to support charities across the U.S. including the YMCA, Howard University College of Medicine, and the St. Louis Colored Orphans Home, which was renamed the Annie Malone Children and Family Service Center in her honor.

    Sally sums up, "Self-made millionaire Madame C.J. Walker advocated for economic independence for Black people, in particular, Black women. And Annie Turnbo Malone also empowered women and people of color, through employment opportunities and charitable activities."

    Ade Hassan MBE (1984-present) – Businesswoman and Entrepreneur

    Nominated by Sonia Harris, U.S. Coach and Community Moderator at Mind Tools.

    Ade Hassan

    "My nude isn't the nude I see in shops."

    Ade Hassan.

    Sonia explains, "For Black History Month, I would like to highlight Ms Ade Hassan, MBE, a pioneer who helped redefine 'nude' in fashion.

    "She is the founder of and creative mind behind nubianskin.com – a London-based company whose products include more inclusive shades of lingerie and hosiery for women of color.

    "I had the pleasure to meet Ade during her 2018 U.S. tour, where she visited a Washington, D.C. boutique to promote Nubian Skin. I had been following her on social media since 2017 and was excited to meet the founder of a product that I need and would buy.

    "Ade recently celebrated Nubian Skin's seventh year in business. She now has multiple products and has even expanded her line to include menswear."

    Mary Jackson, Katherine G. Johnson and Dorothy Vaughan – NASA "Computers" and Engineers

    Nominated by Katie Danes, Custom Sales Manager at Mind Tools for Business.

    Katherine Johnson
    Katherine G. Johnson, NASA Mathematician

    "I don't have a feeling of inferiority. Never had. I'm as good as anybody, but no better."

    Katherine Johnson, NASA Statements on John's Medal of Freedom, 2015.

    Katie says, "I recently watched the film 'Hidden Figures.' It tells the amazing story of three female mathematicians in the 1950s and their roles at NASA, as well their achievements. However, their fight for recognition and equal working conditions at a time when race and gender went against them is what's truly inspiring. The three women I'm celebrating for Black History Month are:

    • Physicist and mathematician Katherine G. Johnson (1918-2020). She calculated trajectories, launch windows, and return paths for many of NASA's major missions between the 1950s and 1980s. In 2015, at age 97, she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, America’s highest civilian honor.
    • Mathematician Dorothy Vaughan (1910-2008). She was the first African-American woman to be promoted to Head of Personnel at NASA. While there, she led a team of African-American female mathematicians through several crucial space projects.
    • Mary Jackson (1921-2005). Jackson was a mathematician and became NASA's first Black female engineer, in 1958. After trying unsuccessfully to break into management-level grades, she made a dramatic career change, leaving engineering to become the NASA Langley Federal Women's Program Manager. She used this position to help others like her break through the glass and concrete ceilings by impacting hiring and promotion opportunities for future female employees."

    Mae C. Jemison (1956-present) – Astronaut and Physician

    Nominated by Amy Jones, Technology team at Emerald Group Solutions.

    Mae C. Jemison

    "There is a fascination with the idea that one has seen someone else do something before one can achieve it. I knew what I wanted to do."

    Mae C. Jemison

    Mae C. Jemison became the first African American woman to be admitted into NASA's astronaut training program in 1987 and the first to fly into space.

    Growing up with a love of science, especially astronomy, young Mae spent much of her time in the school library and was a particularly talented student. She graduated as an honor student and went on to study at Stanford University on a National Achievement Scholarship.

    While there she also served as head of the Black Student Union, and after her graduation went on to study medicine at Cornell University Medical College. After obtaining her M.D. in 1981, she worked as a general practitioner, and worked for the Peace Corps as a medical officer for Sierra Leone and Liberia.

    It was not until her return to the U.S. in 1985 that Jemison made the decision that would eventually see her enter the history books. She applied to NASA's astronaut training program.

    After finally making it into space, she left the astronaut corps in 1993, and began teaching at Dartmouth, before becoming Professor-at-Large at Cornell University. She also established the Jemison Group, which does research into the sociocultural impact of technological advancements and design.

    She even earned a spot on famous sci-fi series, Star Trek, as Lieutenant Palmer, becoming the first real-life astronaut to appear on the show.

    Amy said that she's been learning about Mae C. Jemison for Black History Month because, "...she was the first Black woman to travel into space and the first person from Star Trek in actual space (before William Shatner). My 6-year old daughter told me she was inspired by Nichelle Nichols (Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek) to become an astronaut and, after that, managed to get a speaking part on Star Trek: The Original Series."

    Claudia Jones (1915-1964) – Journalist and Activist

    Nominated by Jennifer Bough, Content Coordinator at Emerald Publishing.

    Claudia Jones

    "A people's art is the genesis of their freedom."

    Claudia Jones.

    "Claudia Jones was a feminist, Black nationalist, political activist, community leader, communist, and journalist. She is most commonly known as the mother of Notting Hill Carnival. But was also the founder of Britain's first black weekly newspaper, The West Indian Gazette in 1958.

    "Born in Trinidad and Tobago, her family migrated to the U.S., where Jones became an active member of the Communist Party. Her main focus was creating '...an anti-imperialist coalition, managed by working-class leadership, fuelled by the involvement of women.'

    "Her best known piece of writing, "An End to the Neglect of the Problems of the Negro Woman!," written in 1949, demonstrates her radical politics through (what later became known as) intersectionality within a Marxist framework. Her involvement in the party lead to imprisonment and eventual deportation to England in 1955, where she became involved in the British African-Caribbean community, campaigning for equal rights and basic access to facilities.

    "While in London, her campaigning continued until her death, aged 49.  She is buried in Highgate Cemetery, to the left of the Karl Marx memorial."

    Who Have You Been Celebrating for Black History Month?

    Join the conversation and tell us who you've been remembering and celebrating during Black History Month.

    Perhaps you're learning about a famous historical figure, a celebrity or current public figure. Or you just want to celebrate a friend or family member who you're particularly proud of.

    Whatever the case, please share your recommendations and stories in the Comments section, below.

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